dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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