Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
