Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
