do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
