His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your cock deserves a montage
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
