"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
