I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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