I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
