Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
