Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
