I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
