I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
