farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
