It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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