Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
