All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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