Your face is a jimmy john
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
