He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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