How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am one with the molecules
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
