If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
