Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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