glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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