I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
