I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
