Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
