Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
People in love make me want to vomit
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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