I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
whose parrot is this?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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