one two three fourrrrnication!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
