the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
