careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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