I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
