stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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