So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
