i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
