I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
