My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
