I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just found out that she named her cat after me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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