Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
