If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
NoShamevember. You game?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
