Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
