lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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