Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
