This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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