Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
