So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
