: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
