shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
