I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
