Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
