I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
