I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
