This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize