Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
