i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
