There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
