toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
