Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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