so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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