Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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