also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize