all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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