My sheets look like a crime scene.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
