Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
