I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
